Encouraging The Habit Of Asking Good Questions

One of the core competencies for a successful leader/manager coach is to know, and instil, the difference in the value of telling and asking.

As the International Coach Federation (ICF) states in the 2016 report Building a Coaching Culture with Managers and Leaders “ Although they are not professional coach practitioners themselves, managers/leaders using coaching skills, knowledge and approaches can also address these needs….to create awareness and support behaviour change.”

In my experience, this part of the manager/leaders’ role is extremely important. It creates an effective ripple effect of transformation and renewal within the organisation.

With this in mind, as part of our programme Coaching Training for Managers and Leaders I ask participants the following questions in order to highlight the importance of queries over ‘advice.’

-What was a good question someone else asked you in your life or work?
-What made this a great question?
-What happened to you as a consequence of exploring this question?

It always amazes me that in a short amount of time profound conversations emerge and a deep connection is established between the participants.

Some of the thought-provoking questions that participants bring to sessions are simple, yet deeply essential and fundamental. For example:

-Who are you?
-What is your dream?
-Why do you keep doing what you are doing?
-How do you manage your life?, Are you happy with other areas of your life beyond work?
-Would this be the same if you knew that tomorrow is your last day?
-What would a man do in this situation? (asked to a woman by her mentor)
-Who would you become if you let go of ‘X’?
-What is your heart telling you now about this situation?

The Questions We All Ask

Society is full of good coaches; these sorts of questions are asked every day by parents, partners, friends, sons and daughters. These questions probe. They go deeply into our soul, which is what makes them great. They help shift perspectives and realign us with our key purpose.

Some of these questions may have been asked many years ago, but over time they keep giving insights and help the participants to lead and manage their own lives and careers, and those of others.

Of course, the asker of the ‘good question’ must be there to be useful and partner with the subject during the process of making more informed choices, and not to ‘rescue’ or ‘judge.’

Questions Versus Advice

We all experience a frisson of satisfaction and achievement when we are told, ‘That’s a very good question’ – which suggests (correctly) that they are the exception rather than the rule. But why is this so?

As the Erman Misirlisoy PhD, the writer of this article states, we tend to give advice often even though it benefits us more than the receiver. Rather than asking good questions, we are more inclined to give a friend, work colleague or family member advice because it makes us feel good. The problem is, that the value of the advice is undermined by several conditions, particularly motivation – the ‘deaf ears’ syndrome.

On the other hand, a good question ‘hijacks the brain,’ says David Hoffeld, the writer of this article. It takes over the brain’s thought processes, leaving us little ‘room’ for focussing on anything else simultaneously.

This brain stimulation is backed up by neuroscience. Research shows that every person has unique brain anatomy. When we give someone advice, not much changes in electrical activity. But when we ask a good question that makes the person think, we can actually see the brain activity change. We can see new neural pathways being formed as a consequence of the learning process.

In other words, a good question can literally and physically increase someone’s capacity and potential.

So, to return to the questions I ask my clients during the CICRE© Coaching Training for Managers and Leaders session, here they are again.

Why don’t you try them out for yourself? I would love to hear your answers!

-What was a ‘good’ question someone asked you in your life or work?
-What made it a ‘great’ question?
-What happened to you as a consequence of exploring this question?